Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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