if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
