Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
