I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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