I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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