We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
