You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
