I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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