I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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