I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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