you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
