I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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