Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
