Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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