i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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