I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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