Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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