gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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