So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
