Quick, to the slutcave!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am available for nakedness
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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