so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
