My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize