I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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