And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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