i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
