Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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