So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
