I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
