I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you never un-have a 4some
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
