Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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