I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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