no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
