my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
