Apparently you make a good broom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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