i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
