News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
