Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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