last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
