if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
