take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
