Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
