I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
