i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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