I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
