Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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