Will you blow on my dice?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
