goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
