Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When did angry sex become our thing?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
