If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
