I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish you could order shots online.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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