i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
