the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize