Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize