he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
