woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
