My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
