dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
