Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
