I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This baby is an asshole
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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