Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
