I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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