Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
