if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
