I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
