You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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