happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My balls are so social today.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i've created a new STD.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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