I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
