you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
