there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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