matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
