I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
