i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
