she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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