theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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