Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
