Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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