I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4