I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
