when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
