census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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