Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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