need another drink. this is the easiest way
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
