I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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