Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
