how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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