i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
