Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
